Domestic Hilarity Aficionado Pillows

"Nu-uh! Get back here and pick up after yourself!"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Mulch madness"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"What's all this?"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'I'm really thirsty.'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'