Domestic Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Recycling husband.

'I want to take out an anti-social behaviour order.'

'Are you awake, dear?'

'I found the clog.'

Bought one last year. Biggest mistake we ever made. He keeps putting the milk back upside down.

Hi honey, I'm hone. Yes dear, I know. You're retired.

Man in the pub thinks of his wife waiting at home.

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

"I forget...which one of us is occupant and which of us is resident?"

"I've just spent ages making the garden look nice, so can you get out of it?"

'Honestly-they make you feel like going home to Mother sometimes don't they!'

"It just started as a list of his faults, and just evolved into a horror novel."

' It's not new carpeting- the vacuum cleaner bag exploded,,,'

Marriage Guidance for Beginners.

"Remember you said you had nowhere to put your Russian doll?"

'Because I know you Carl. You'll go trumpeting down the road with the boys and you'll forget to take the garbage out!'

Couple with sign on wall: 'A Messy Marriage is the Sign of Genius'

Did you find the remote?

'Fred's too lazy to fix things around the house. On the plus side, he's also too lazy to break things.'

'Knock that back please, I'm cleaning the crystal.'

"Even cartoon women have needs!"

"Could you come to the door, Betty? There's a guy here who wants my opinion on something."

Vegetabull.

'I put the bins out.' - 'Hold on, I just need to finish a really important e-mail.' - '*whine*' - 'Okay, okay! Who's a good boy, then?!' - 'Me! I am!'

'I take it the House held another bailout vote.'

"Honey, do you know where the checkbook is?"

"... And the only time he takes me out, is to bring me here!"

A woman using her husband as a footstool.

"I did replace it...with another broken light bulb!"

"That's Leon's 4th life coach this month. The others left to get help from their own life coaches."

"We haven't had a quarrel in ages...have you been arguing with someone else?"

"I don't worry about Harold putting the cap back on the toothpaste. He never takes it off!"

"For twenty years I told you that you have cold hands and what can I say... Today I just snapped."

"If he doesn't get his way he cries all night. Husbands are all alike."

"No, he hasn't got round yet to doing a 'to do' list."