Domestic Humor Aficionado Pillows

"I'm going away for the weekend. Would you mind feeding my husband?"

'Don't bother your father. He tried to fold a fitted sheet.'

"God, Maria, when are you going to learn to cook!"

'Things are gonna change now that I'm here! I want this place spotless! Do you hear me, Adam?'

'So, I have a few drinks in the afternoon. Your dinner's always on the table when you get in from work, isn't it?'

Lazy eye at home

'Your Honor, I'd like to change my place in the henpecking order.'

"We broke our promise to not talk politics around the house, so we sold the house."

"You've become clutter."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"Mulch madness"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"What's all this?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'