Home Hilarity Fan Pillows

Cat scratching chair. Chair falls on cat.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Yard Sale

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

Search for Missing Socks

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Please don't go!"

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"You rang?"