Homey Humor Lover Pillows

'Do you suppose they want us to leave?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Mulch madness"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Search for Missing Socks

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Carpet Cows

The bulb family leaves for vacation

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

"Quit with that racket - you're scaring the fish."

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."