Homebody Humor Lover Pillows

'Don't just stand there-use the remote and switch over!'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'She'll never look for me here.'

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

Amy Sedaris

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"There goes our early night."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

We never roam anymore.

The Drawbacks Of Working From Home

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"5...4...3...2..."

'He's strictly an indoor cat.'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"I'm upstairs right now. On weekends and holidays, I go downstairs."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

"Jim was a model Dad".

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"No religious nuts!"

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

The bulb family leaves for vacation

Suburban street.

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'