Household Humor Aficionados Gifts

'Take out the garbage?...Dad, that's so 90s.'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

"I told my mom either the sitter goes, or I go!"

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

"The blow drier is broken."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Certainly you may come in for a drink. You live here.'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Please don't go!"

"Honest, D-D-Dad. My report card's 'in the cloud.'"

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"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

"I can't sleep... it's too warm in here."

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

'Dang! The water's expired.' (Spring Water).

Dog tallying his score against the mailman.