Humorist Of The Household Gifts

"That's his idea of multi-tasking."

'At home, do you share the unpleasant jobs?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Yard Sale

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Carpet Cows

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"