Historical Household Humorist Gifts

Mistress Talking to Maid

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Apples for sale

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"Take me to your Larder!"

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Right here's fine."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Hipsters"

The discovery of asparagus.

What's an Imax cave?

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.