Historian Humorist Gifts

'Paul! The British are coming! You have to go spread the word!'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"You're on a what?!"

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"Right here's fine."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

The discovery of asparagus.

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Hipsters"

What's an Imax cave?

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

This side is the gag reel.

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.