Humorist Historian Gifts

"You're on a what?!"

"Professor, this changes everything."

'We knew of your return from your round the world trip - we could smell you a mile away!'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"Right here's fine."

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"Hipsters"

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

The discovery of asparagus.

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

What's an Imax cave?

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

This side is the gag reel.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.