Humorist Historian Pillows

"You're on a what?!"

"Professor, this changes everything."

'We knew of your return from your round the world trip - we could smell you a mile away!'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Hipsters"

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

The discovery of asparagus.

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Right here's fine."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

The Fall of Gnome

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Stonehenge Explained