Historian Humorist Pillows

'Paul! The British are coming! You have to go spread the word!'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"You're on a what?!"

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"Hipsters"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

The discovery of asparagus.

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Right here's fine."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

The Fall of Gnome

Stonehenge Explained

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.