Historical Humourist Pillows

'I've still got all my own teeth you know.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

Vlad the Impala

"You're on a what?!"

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Hipsters"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

The discovery of asparagus.

"Right here's fine."

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.