Historic Humorist Pillows

King Henry V

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

The Great Winglebury Duel

Auroch drawing cave paintings.

'Yesterday he invented the wheel, today it rolled over his foot.'

Sir Louie the Bench-Warmer pumps up the home crowd, and the tide of battle begins to turn.

Mona Lisa sticking her middle finger up when Da Vinci turns his back.

In their free time, the apostles often enjoyed rousing games of "Simon Peter Says".

"Hancock, to really drive home the point, sign your name really big, followed by an angry face emoji!"

"It's alright for you - I'm a fictional character."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

Vlad the Impala

"You're on a what?!"

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Hipsters"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

The discovery of asparagus.

"Right here's fine."

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

'How could you flunk stone shop?'