Historical Humourist Gifts

'I've still got all my own teeth you know.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"You're on a what?!"

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Right here's fine."

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"Hipsters"

The discovery of asparagus.

What's an Imax cave?

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"