Historical Humorist Gifts

The night they invented champagne.

The Invention of Religion: 'Ok, here's how it works...first, you never question anything I tell you...'

The British Hamlet. He says: 'Alas poor Yorick, I knew him ... well, I say knew, more of an acquaintance really. Only met the chap three or four times.'

'It's hard to get good people, and even harder to keep them.'

"Only time will tell whether this merger makes sense or not."

'Honestly, I think I may have cleaned it a little too well.'

"Bottom line? You're still king of about two-thirds of all you survey."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

"My first concern is the well-being of my crew."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

Caveman shoots mammoth with arrow and blames his mate with the spear.

Air boulder.

Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher

"That's not what I said."

'We've found it Chandler- The forbidden temple!'

"That's not a manufacturing defect - It's SUPPOSED to have a hole in the middle."

'Look, I hope this isn't too much of a hassle... but I think I'd prefer a Pyramid now!'

'Hi. I just rowed in from Norway and boy! Are my arms Thor!'

'Romeo and Julient 1990's, hi,Dean...yo,Sharon'

Prince William

It was ugs discovery...but it would be exploited by others.

"We'll be performing the operation using original instruments."

Stone henge swing.

'I lost my key to the kingdom.'

"Go away. We're still Jewish."

'According to my theory, if I rub these two sticks together long enough, I'll get a wheel!'

"For the last time, it's not stocks, it's a pillory."

'Are you guys still watching the tapestry? Why don't you go outside it's such a nice day!'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'Being a royal court jester hasn't just been all glitz and glamor you know. Oh sure, there's been a lot of laughter on the outside but tehre's been a lot of crying,dysentry,cholera,gout and bubonic plague on the inside.'

'Tell us about the time you met Charles Darwin, grandad.'

Mozart with a violin case.

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

'You go ahead. We'll rejoin you when you start using new technology.'