Humorist In History Pillows

'And now I've got gum stuck to the bottom of my sandal, that's it, I'm out of here.'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Polly txt speak

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

I will study my speling words...

Apples for sale

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Dog Walking Services

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Even the waiters here are organic."