Domestic Humorist Gifts

Missing Sock Poster

'It's a surveillance camera. Now, I'll finally be able to find out how all the socks keep disappearing.'

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"Got a deer."

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'Which ward is my wife in?'

'It's easy to remember - if it's steam she's ironing and if it's thick black smoke she's cooking.'

Beef Stew Marriage - He Beefs, She Stews.

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

How come a lot of virile men are too weak for indoor work?

'My Mother thinks I spoil you, Brian.'

'Will open jars for food.'

'We're safe-no rolling pins in this house- my missus FRIES everything!'

"Give me a sporting chance, love ... pass me my wicket-keeping gloves."

BUS, 'Why, Bixby -- I didn't know you were married.'

'Oh, nothing much, mother. Howard is sitting in his easy chair with his feet up - the picture of resentment.'

'Dad says where are his clean underpants?'

'OK, my dinner's in the oven. Where's the oven?'

'Gone to memory trainning class, your dinner could be in the oven?'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"I know you're on cold medicine, but the can opener is not 'heavy machinery.'"

"I don't believe in combining marriage and a career."

"You've got holes in your socks. Shall I throw them away...?"

Maid

"My husband and I have decided to share each other's interests. He's at home burning the dinner."

"I'm going away this weekend. Would you mind feeding my husband?"

"Is this your subtle way of telling me that I forgot to change the toilet roll?"

"...and, if you find her, just ask her where she put the bottle opener."

'Mom, have you seen dad lately?'

"And, for Heaven's sake, Harold, try to capture the real me!"

"I can handle my wife's Honey-Do list. It's her Honey-Don't list that just about kills me".

"Please yourself, I'll add salt if you like but I'm only dyeing a pair of socks..."

"Doesn't know it's there....he'll complain when it's gone cold."

"I can't stand to see you walk out on me. I'll call a taxi."