Heritage Humorist Gifts

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'

'I still prefer the pipe. A ceremony isn't the same sharing nicotine peace gum.'

Captain Ahab As A Boy

As Americans, we set aside a special time to celebrate our bounty and give thanks.

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

Baseball cap-very long Welsh name.

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'That is a coincidence - I am half Scottish!'

'There's a huge gap between Adam and Eve and Gran'ma Kirby...'

Alice the Nympho

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

'And that is Great Grandpa Bobo. They say he slipped on a banana peel and died, but I think it was just a heart attack.'

Easter Island Football Goal

'Don't be silly -- how can a PARROT be part Scottish?'

Calling yourself O'possum doesn't make you Irish, Bob.

Triple espresso, please. No caffeine for you, Uncle Mort. I am not your Uncle Mort. You know the doctors have said "no caffeine," Uncle Mort. I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Mr. Somewunneruther. "Mister Somewunneruther"? Yes. Of the Minnesota Somewunneruthers. We're a very old and respected family. We came over on the Sunflower. Mayflower!!! One gentle flower chamomile tea, coming up.

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

It isn't widely known that Michelangelo was the first in a long line of cartoonists to buck the family tradition.

What's an Imax cave?