Inheritance Humorist Gifts

". . . and I leave my whole estate to my one true companion, public radio."

'To you Herbert, your uncle leaves, as a hedge against inflation, a stash of U.S. Forever postage stamps.'

"Anyone who isn't specifically named in the will still receives one of these valuable gift bags."

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'...and to my darling little pussycat, Tiddles, I leave my budgerigar, two white mice and four goldfish.'

'My magician uncle left it to me in his will.'

Somehow it seems appropriate. He left everything to his pet goldfish.

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

'There's one other thing. Your Aunt left you this, it's a nasty aftertaste.'

'The good news is, your heirs won't be fighting over your will for awhile.'

Father Parrot: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

'Your father didn't exactly leave his brain to science. He left it to his psychiatrist to settle an outstanding bill.'

'And this is my uncle James. Bit of a family disappointment really. He only left a paltry four million in his will!'

"Your late relative left you his PBS tote bags."

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

"My Father's left me half his estate."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

"And Dave, you receive Mildred's visual basic control collection."

"And to whom do you wish to leave the bulk of your estate, sir?"

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'He has his father's feet.'

'Mr Potter's will calls for a winner takes all poker tournament.'

"And to Edward, who claimed he married me for my mind, I leave my brain."

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

"Oh look, another thing for the inevitable estate sale."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"