Inheritance Humorists Gifts

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'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"I can skip my bath. On the way home I jumped in all the puddles."

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

'Hey Dad, Mom's got a new hobby...still life painting...er, Dad?'

'Is that IT? All this way for just the ONE?'