Inheritance Humor Gifts

'...your father has also bequeathed your Grandfather;s place on the allotment waiting list to you, as he hoped that one day a family member may get allocated a plot'

"And Dave, you receive Mildred's visual basic control collection."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"WHich one is mine?"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

Adult Absence Notes.

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'He has his father's feet.'

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, What do you think of younger men? -kl. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Depends. Younger men have strong jaws and rock-hard abs, but they're missing the sexiest thing: they're not crotchety jerks, set in their ways, willing to argue about anything and say totally stupid things. Hey, doesn't that foul old wretch realize I've got rock-hard abs and a steel jaw?! (This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-12)

'Oops! Does this mean I'm next in line for CEO, Dad?'

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

"Someday, son, all this crap will be yours."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'