Inheritance Humor Pillows

'...your father has also bequeathed your Grandfather;s place on the allotment waiting list to you, as he hoped that one day a family member may get allocated a plot'

"And Dave, you receive Mildred's visual basic control collection."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

'Shh, let me do the talking.'

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

Adult Absence Notes.

'He has his father's feet.'

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Dad... this 'Book' thingy - where do you plug it in?

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

'Sweetheart, It's time you knew... Your father isn't a real wildlife biologist.'

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'Oops! Does this mean I'm next in line for CEO, Dad?'

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'Daddy-if we didn't have Mummy how would you know how to drive?'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'