Inheritance Jokes Appreciator Pillows

"Someday, son, all this crap will be yours."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

What's an Imax cave?

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

A planet like ours - "Oh no, last time we got romantic, I ended up having to grow a new head."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

Split the last one?

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

OMG.

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat