Heredity Humorist Gifts

"He learned all about genetics at school today"

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'He has his father's feet.'

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Cover story: Plant World.

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

'It seems like only yesterday, you were just a slimy little maggot.'

Fauna Hybrids

"Back from hunting with nothing again?"

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

"It's alright for you - I'm a fictional character."

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.