Habit Humorist Gifts

"You know...maybe grinding your teeth isn't such a bad thing."

"Maybe we'd stand a better change of rescue if we didn't look so much like penguins."

"Hi. If there's any fidgeting, self-pitying or outwitting you feel you have to do, there's my sit-in."

"So this is why it's called a bad habit."

'I told my wife I'd give e-cigarettes a try, but I drew the line on e-beer.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

The Dandy

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

Flight Socks.

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

Bed and Breakfast

"I found an old photo of us, when we were punk rockers... Didn't we look ridiculous?"

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

Bed Fellow

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"Hallelujah!"

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

Cat scares away fish design on man's shirt.