Habitual Humorist Gifts

'You know I'm not going to be able to concentrate if you're going to grind your teeth all night.'

'Beats me why anyone would want to sit inside on such a lovely day?'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

"Can we please sign off just one night without the national anthem?"

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

"He only smokes one cigarette a day now."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

'Goodbye darling have a great day at the office, but you do realise you retired yesterday,'

'I smoke fewer cigarettes when I roll my own.'

Commuting - Old habits die hard

'Sister Margaret? -- when did YOU quit the habit?'

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

'What do you mean, there's no cigarette break??!'

"He used to fix roads, now he fixes computers. I guess old habits are hard to break."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

"You're going to hate yourself."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

Stonehenge Explained

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

Replacement Bus Spotters.