Habitual Humor Gifts

Colin had one of those annoying habits that was difficult to ignore.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

How it started: How it's going

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

Alpine Pipe

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

Oldies.

"You must cut down on your smoking."

Poor Walt - they don't make em like him anymore.

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

"This was the best school day of the week!"

"Now where did I park my car?"

Life bingo

'I hate it when people vote with their feet'

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

"Can we please sign off just one night without the national anthem?"

"Sister Maria has a bet every day...she has a habit!"

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

The Life of the Party

Woman walking past Five Guys.

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

Important dates in Latino history: Seven years ago, the empanada was invented.

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

'My legs are broken - go get help!'

"Ed woke each morning at dawn to feed his pets, and each morning at dawn, Bruno and Luna frightened Ed. Yaaaaa! Wha? Who's there?!"

'Dear, it's better to light a candle than curse the nation's crumbling electrical grid.'