Habitual Humor Gifts

Colin had one of those annoying habits that was difficult to ignore.

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

How it started: How it's going

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

Alpine Pipe

"What's the difference between being addicted to painkillers and just really, really liking them a lot?"

Oldies.

Poor Walt - they don't make em like him anymore.

"You must cut down on your smoking."

"Now where did I park my car?"

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"This was the best school day of the week!"

Life bingo

'I hate it when people vote with their feet'

"Sister Maria has a bet every day...she has a habit!"

"Can we please sign off just one night without the national anthem?"

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

Woman walking past Five Guys.

Important dates in Latino history: Seven years ago, the empanada was invented.

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

The Life of the Party

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

'My legs are broken - go get help!'

"Ed woke each morning at dawn to feed his pets, and each morning at dawn, Bruno and Luna frightened Ed. Yaaaaa! Wha? Who's there?!"

Be right back. I left the house wine on the counter.

Cup of tea. You always order that. Why not try something else? Because unlike you and your entire generation, I don

"Maybe we'd stand a better change of rescue if we didn't look so much like penguins."