General Humor Gifts

Internet Epitaphs

Ice Cream Surgeon

PSA Banter.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Trump

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

'You have an enlarged funny bone.'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

You can relax now.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I like when we get organ transplants from New York because they always throw in a dozen bagels."

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

Bad news for famed author, I. P. Freely, 'Yellow Waterfalls': 'It's your prostate, I.P., It's as big as a baseball.'

'You've got dry scalp.'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."