Humor Gifts

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Royal Gym. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And the body isn't in great shape either.

'That's MY boy-playing truant to visit his dear old dad!'

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

'I don't like the way your eyes light up when that nurse comes in!'

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

'...all very nice, but will I be able to fit my head out the window?'

"Jesus, look at the body on that broad"

Billy. The Kid.

Wifi in Hell

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Aggression/Security

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

Wall Street...

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

"Boss, can you check the address again? I have a bad feeling about this one."

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Hell's Schlegel

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

"..and you'll also need Percy here, his interpreter"

'It'll make 'feet' obsolete!'

'Too much hazel, not enough nut.'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"