Cultural Humor Gifts

'Would you mind moving your feet about, I don't want the vegetables to catch?'

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

"We'll drop the disturbing the peace charge if he pleads no contest to indecent exposure."

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

Stone figures of burger eaters on island - Feaster Island.

BUREAU OF MISSING McPHERSONS

'Don't just stand there-give him the nose of life!'

'How are they going to get it up to French room temperature?'

'Get some smokeless fuel while you're out...we're not speaking to the neighbours!'

'Now that's what I call a pair of tats!'

"Happy Hump Day!"

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

'Yes, all at once!'

"What the...They wrapped me in toilet paper!"

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

The Scottish Lawn

Elephant and Castle

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

'I can't pronounce either his name or the out-sourced country where he works.'

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"When did this game get started?"

'Ok, ok, what about this one? There was an Irishman, an Italian and an Englishman ..'

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

'Ma, have you been reading my textbook?'

'You're lucky-you've the knees for it.'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

Early Americans found it easier to settle the west coast, where natives were, like, whatever, dude.

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

"The fax machine ate my homework."

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

Pot Needles

"Sure, we live in a cave but do we have to dress like we live in a cave?"

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

'But Steve, it still doesn't make you kosher!'