Humor/satire Gifts

"This city is becoming unlivable."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Occu-Pie Mars

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"You're fired."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

UK/US Free Trade Deal

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Life is for the birds.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

The cell phone soother for life.