Comedy And Satire Gifts

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"You're fired."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"This position has become very important to the company."

Occu-Pie Mars

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"How can you be out of wings?"

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'