Humor Love Gifts

'To this century's most obnoxious party guest...'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Sexual chemistry set

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

Aging Problems

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

His and Hers Wedding

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."