Love Humorist Gifts

"You know I don't like to cuddle."

"You're so unapproachable these days."

"A bow and arrow is SO 18th century."

"Have you got anyone on your books who's desperate and doesn't care what I look like?"

"I came too early? How funny! Normally I'm always late!"

"No wonder she loves you not!"

On Valentine's Day, he threw down pieces of candy...and waited for the chicks to flock to him.

Cupid accidentally kills one of his targets.

"You're a pig in bed."

"That's not good enough. I'd like a formal list of reasons."

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

Man in crowd with heart shaped hat.

'Marriage is a wonderful institution, I'll grant you that, but who wants to live in an institution?'

'Why don't we compromise... You admit I'm right and I'll agree with you.'

'Wait! The dating agency got it wrong! You should have dated me before her!'

'I said he could sleep with me... well... he's asleep.'

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."