Heart Humorist Gifts

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"Man, is that artery clogged or what?"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Phoenix

Tunnel of Like.

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Barman In Love.

"Feel my claw of death!"

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

Brian the dog#3 - Brian now realised he was NOT man's best friend.

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

Dating in 2020

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

Caterpillars in love

Homophone Encounter

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'

'Oh Gloria, I love you with all my heart, part of my liver and most of my lower intestine.'