Romantic Humorist Gifts

Scenes from a successful marriage.

Cardiologist Convention: 'Our next speaker will be speaking on other matters of the heart.'

'Compare me to a summer's day? In this country?!' (Shakespeare unwittingly insults a lady while reciting a sonnet)

"I love the little ways you're identical to everyone else."

The Goldilocks Flower Emporium has bouquets labeled Too Much Commitment, Too Little Commitment, and Just Right.

Frogs french-kissing a princess.

"Ask me again once your skin clears up." Never propose in broad daylight.

"Over all, I liked it, but I have a couple of notes."

Caveman Valentine,

'Chuck me.'

"Oh hi, I'm on the train.."

'Have you the Karma Sutra in large print?'

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

'And do you, Cathie, promise to advance Ed's narrative?'

"How very sentimental. 'Best wife in the 0.000007 Percent of the World I'm Personally Familiar With'."

'Why do we never cuddle anymore?'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

"Cute... But way too young."

'No, I'm not really a handsome prince, but it's a great way to meet girls.'

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

Snail Love.

'OK, you win, I've stopped playing hard to get.'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

'So this is your idea of making things more fun in the bedroom?'

'Are you trying to play footsie with Miss Pringle again, Arthur?'

There are times when it's best to stick with the old fashioned ways.

'Paul, I think that Jane and yourself might make more progress if you left your boyfriend at home.'

"Sorry, but I never get a girls name tattooed, on a first date!"

'Hey, you TWO, GET a Womb!'

The Ring Bearer

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

'I did think the prince might simply recognise the girl - I mean, just how p***ed was he?!'

'I haven't dated that many people. Why do you ask?'

Flute Arm

"Listen. If we're going to be doing any serious pawing around, I want you to start wearing a flea collar."