Romance Humorist Gifts

'How sweet, he's smiling. He must be dreaming about me.'

'It's will never work out...that's a banana peel.'

'I'm leaving you Gerald for your online you!'

'Do you have to use your sat-nav for everything?'

'Yes i WAS the one who called you out, but no I am NOT interested in a 'quickie' once the chasitity belt is off!'

Another of nature's cruel little tricks.

"I see Fanshaw's found himself a little god digger!"

Man with many tattoos.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

"You may prefer older women now, but when you're 30, Ms. Rogers will be 60!"

"I always knew you two would be perfect together...or with fries"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Your place or mine?'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'