Humorist In Romance Gifts

Lisa, will you marry me... and if so promise not to go nuts planning the wedding.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Sexual chemistry set

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Always Compatible

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."