Humorist About Love Gifts

"It's not what you think."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Tunnel of Like.

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Dating in 2020

Homophone Encounter

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"