Romance Comedian Gifts

'Your place or mine?'

'Oh, Dave. It's gorgeous... Can I show it to the girls in work before I turn you down?'

"Talk nerdy to me."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Call me?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Love is in the air...

Dog in love

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

Pole vaulter jumping Lover's Leap.

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Salt and Pepper