Romance Comedian T-Shirts

'Oh, Dave. It's gorgeous... Can I show it to the girls in work before I turn you down?'

"Talk nerdy to me."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Call me?"

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

Love is in the air...

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Pole vaulter jumping Lover's Leap.

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"So you kiss me and I turn into a prince? No thanks, sweetie, I'm gay. I'm already a queen."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Dog in love

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Salt and Pepper

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.