Humor In Love Situations Gifts

"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. There's no hot lips here."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

Reading the sports pages.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

His and Hers Wedding

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

Aging Problems

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"Let's take in a trial."