Humor In Love Situations Pillows

"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number. There's no hot lips here."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

Reading the sports pages.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

His and Hers Wedding

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'