Humor In Dating Pillows

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Fancy crashing at my pad later, babe?"

"You need a mint."

'Now that I have your attention...'

He's Tasty!

"Honey, guess what? My therapist finally got me to cry!"

'Listen I think we should break up...it's not you... it's that thing on your face.'

"So Dave - did you get lucky? Dave....? Dave...?"

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"And will you, Lee, take Mimi for granted as long as you both shall live."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"I probably should have mentioned that I'm allergic to cats, Albert. . ."

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

"Well of course I'm nervous....what if I chat her up only to find out she's my ex?"

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'Our life is so predictable...' - 'I knew you would say that...'

'My ad said I was 'blond with curves' it didn't say anything about me being a woman.'

Groom's supporters v Bride's supporters

'You certainly are a lady-killer - I'm almost starved to death!'