Humorous Dater Pillows

'The dating agency matched me up with my avatar.'

Out to Stud.

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I do want to talk about your feelings but first let's talk about cheese."

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

"You need a mint."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

"Wanna do lunch?"

"He's a terrible drunk."

'I didn't know people still played footsie.'

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

He's Tasty!

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

"Boy, your sister wasn't kidding when she said you were the face of the company."

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

"You're all arms Rodney."

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

Another last "first date" for Daphne "...and here's kitty peeking out of a shoe box. Oh! And here he is playing with a dead birdie! Oh how cute! Here's Kitty looking around a corner! And..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

"Sorry, I don't date older men."

"Why do you think cool cars are lame?"

'I know you've heard about how we roosters get around, but believe me, I'm a one-chicken guy.'

"Suddenly I can't think of anything to chirp."

ACME DATING SERVICE, 'Do you take trade-ins?'

'You'd better go home now, Ted -- I'm beginning to feel lonesome.'

I brought a little ice breaker.'

"I'm invisible to all men."

"I thought it was a place to pick up some chicks, but NOOOOO!"