Comedy Dater Pillows

ACME DATING SERVICE, 'Do you take trade-ins?'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"He was into feet, but, unforunately, not duck feet."

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"I forgot my wallet. Do you know 'Folsom Prison Blues'?"

"You need a mint."

"He's a terrible drunk."

"Thanks for walking me home."

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"Boy, your sister wasn't kidding when she said you were the face of the company."

"I'll wait, my wife's in the loo."

'Can Laura come out and bark at the moon?'

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'Wow! I'm a dog person too!'

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"We should get together sometime and pee on things."

"When you called yourself a playboy...."

'Obviously a cry for help.'

'This is not what I meant when I said we were going dutch.'

Why worms have no confidence

"You had me at hell."

"Suddenly I can't think of anything to chirp."

"Barry looks to have pulled a mussel."

'Would you say you lean more to the left?'

I brought a little ice breaker.'

"I'd like to take things slow, Al, so instead of a goodnight kiss I'm going to poke you a few times with this stick."

'The dating agency matched me up with my avatar.'

Singles Baa - "So, what's a girl like ewe doing in a place like this?"

-and which one's your bird?

'Hey good lookin' come here often?'

"Do you 'C'mere!' often?"

"What I don't like about the military is all the emphasis on winning."