Comedic Dater Pillows

'Hi, do I sit here? Er...Oh.' (woman holding up sign saying 'Go away, you're ugly.').

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'The dating website just asked for a recent photo. It didn't say it had to be one of me.'

"But after Monica, I began to wonder... Maybe I've been looking for rejection in all the wrong places!"

"I'd like to take things slow, Al, so instead of a goodnight kiss I'm going to poke you a few times with this stick."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

Waterfall of Disappointment

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'Let's do lunch.'

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"You need a mint."

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

"My mom set up this blind date, but then again, her favorite TV show is 'Beauty and the Beast'."

"I'm so shallow."

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

"So tell me again where you're from."

'You must be Olivia.'