Comedic Couples Pillows

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

Deep Fat Fryer: 'Did you find the foot-spa, dear?'

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

"My doctor gave me the O.K. to go ahead and die during sex."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

"I forget now, but one of these buttons opens the chair back to full recline."

"You don't need tech support. You have those on backwards."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Push harder - I still can't see the scale."

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"The blow drier is broken."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

"You lick, I'll dry."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

We never go out anymore.

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

"I said I wanted to see you in skimpy clothes..."

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

'Since we were first married, I vowed I'd never let Jim see me slopping around in the mornings with my hair in curlers!'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"